You Are Now Free To Shut The F*** Up

It was posted about 20 minutes ago, so naturally you’ve seen it by now. I know by tomorrow it will be old news, but whatever.

The FCC has proposed that airplane passengers should be able to use their mobile phones midflight, as long as the planes are above 10,000 feet. Now before we go all crazy, it has not happened yet, only been proposed. Also airlines are free to restrict this capability at their discretion. 

So let’s look at the pros and cons of allowing airplane travelers to talk on their phones:

Pros:

1) Your plane is crashing, so you can call your loved ones to make sure they destroy the harddrive on your home computer

2) Flying will no longer restrict you from having phone meetings while airborne. Always be closing!

3) You will no longer have to wait 1-2 minutes for your phone to turn on after landing. Unless you are flying an airline that makes you turn it off during takeoff/landing. Then you will have to wait.

Cons:

1) You are bugging the shit out of literally everyone around you. Being in the sky does not change the land-etiquette of not forcing people to hear half of your stupid conversation

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2) If this applies to pilots as well, then we are all screwed

3) For a lot of people flights are the last place they can go to have an excuse to unplug. Perhaps submarine rides will be the last tech-free haven?

I fly quite frequently, so we will see what kind of effect this has, if it in fact becomes a reality. Honestly I think it’s one of those things that’s easy (and fun!) to complain about before it happens, but will more than likely not be that big of a problem. If it does become super annoying, then I vote we enact SkyLaw to make it acceptable to punch loud, rude people in the face. 

How To Take Great iPhone Pet Photos

Cross posted from Dot Complicated

 

Here is a handy guide for capturing that perfect iPhone photo of your beloved companion (or a cutie that you stole from someone else). This information will surely be useful – whether you are trying to get more Likes on Facebook, or you find yourself having to make a “LOST” sign when your pet runs away after getting sick of being photographed all the time.

1. Find a cute animal to photograph. Nothing can ruin a photo faster than having an un-photogenic subject. Sorry if your pet is unfortunate-looking – there’s not much you can do. 

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These 6-week-old puppies will serve as our cute animal models. I’m calling them Sherlock and Watson, and they came to me as fosters from Wonder Dog Rescue

2) Have your camera phone ready at all times, as pets are known to be spontaneously cute at any given moment – especially when they don’t think you’re looking.

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3) Be prepared to take a million photos – not all dogs are trainable, and all cats are cats. Remember that patience is a virtue! 

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Finally got it!

 

4) If they don’t seem to be getting it, make them look at an example to follow. We can’t guarantee that this will suddenly turn your puppy into a show dog, but at least it will give you a break in between shoots!

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5) Use treats or other forms of coercion to make them look towards you (and the lens). Sometimes, this will require you to contort your face or make a strange noise, just to shock your pet into looking at you.

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6) If they are too squirmy, capture them when they aren’t active – naptime is an opportune moment! They are most vulnerable right when they wake up and are still half-asleep. 

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7) Take advantage of natural lighting. You want their fur to look soft and sleek. 

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8) Don’t let them slobber all over your phone, even if your case resembles a delicious ice cream sandwich (I wish mine did)…

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9) Reward a job well done with cuddles for all!

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10) Share the cutest (or funniest) shots on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any other social platform – and be prepared to receive more loves and likes than you’ve ever gotten before!

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