A Field Guide to San Francisco Penises (NSFW)


Another article for my parents to be proud of.

Late edit: The Bold Italic is no more (RIP) so I am transferring the entirety of my articles over here, for safe storage.


It used to be that you couldn’t live in San Francisco for long without seeing a penis (or five) on the street at some point during the year. But two years ago, San Francisco fell victim to censorship on account of an attempt to take our precious cock-viewing away from us. A city supervisor, ironically named Scott Wiener, decreed that nudity would no longer fly (except at certain permitted events) in a city known for letting it all hang out.

Despite all the changes San Francisco has witnessed over the past few years, though, this city continues to proudly celebrate free expression (including a recent pro-nudity rally in the Castro protesting the law). Nothing exemplifies this spirit more than the commitment to remaining nude even in the face of the ban.

That’s why the Field Guide to San Francisco Penises was created: to help you, the schlong aficionado, figure out the where’s, when’s, and how-to’s of observing cocks in their native habitats. Whether you’re a tourist, a curious local, or a professional wang enthusiast, this field guide will help you identify the plethora of man meat on the streets of San Francisco – nudity ban be dammed.

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