Birds are weird and here are some of the weird things I’ve seen them do:
1) Vomit, forget about the vomit, find the vomit and eat it. Vomit again.
2) Die midflight for no apparent reason. I have seen exactly one crow and one pigeon do this in two different parts of the world. This is a thing that birds do.
3) Be a wild parrot in San Francisco
4) Be a pack of wild parrots in San Francisco confusing the hell out of tourists
5) Poop on someone during their very first motorcycle-riding lesson. There’s only one way to make someone on a motorcycle not look cool, so thanks for that, bird.
6) Refuse to fly! Bro I would kill to be able to fly, and there you are on the the street narrowly avoiding getting hit by cars because you’re too damn lazy, you dumb pigeon. God!
7) Be sexist. Jerk bird.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love birds – I’ve owned two cockatiels in my life and I routinely go birdwatching (because of all the friends and active social life I definitely have), but even I can admit the little guys are super strange. That’s part of what makes them so fun to watch, you never know what’s going to happen!
Here is a picture I made of my friend Ian if he were a bird: